I always find it interesting that people who are familiar with the church calendar will often say that they are always drawn to All Saints Sunday which we are observing today and Ash Wednesday which marks the beginning of the season of Lent.
I think we are drawn to these two dates on the church calendar because they offer one of the rare opportunities in our culture where we are given the opportunity to grieve in helpful ways. Processing our grief is one of the healthiest things we can do.
The more I think about it, the more I believe that we are always moving through some type of grief process. And many times, we are not even aware that we are grieving.
A while back, a friend of mine knew that I wasn’t myself. And upon reflection of that observation I thought about some transitions that were happening in my life and I shared about these transitions with her. And her comment back to me surprised me a bit. She said, “It seems like you’re grieving.” And she was right. Thank God for friends who know us well enough to lovingly remind us that it’s OK for us to grieve.
Our Gospel reading this morning is often used for All Saints’ Sunday. I wonder if this is because of the beatitude where Jesus pronounces a blessing upon those who mourn. “Blessed are you who weep now,” Jesus says. “Blessed are you who weep.”
When we read the names of people in our congregation who have passed away over this past year, we are thankful for their lives, but we also are reminded of the loss we have experienced in our lives. It’s a bitter-sweet Sunday.
The same is true for Ash Wednesday which marks the beginning of the season of Lent. Ashes are imposed on our foreheads and we are reminded that we are dust and to dust we shall return. It’s a reminder of our mortality, but it’s also a reminder that the season of Lent will also lead to the good news of Easter and new life in Christ.
All Saints’ Sunday and Ash Wednesday remind us that it’s important for us to grieve. Life has its joyous moments but it also includes its share of grieving moments.
John James and Frank Cherry, in their book on grief recovery, trace the story of a boy named, Johnny. When five-year old Johny’s dog dies, Johnny is stunned, and he bursts out crying. His dog was his constant companion; it slept at the foot of bed. Now the dog is gone, and Johnny is broken up.
Johnny’s dad stammers a bit and says, “Uh, don’t feel bad, Johnny, we’ll get you a new dog Saturday.” In that one sentence, Johnny’s dad is really offering the first two steps in how some people deal with the reality of grief: Bury your feelings; replace your losses. Once you have the new dog you won’t even think about the old dog any more.
Later when Johnny falls in love with a high school freshman girl, the world never looked brighter, until the break up. Suddenly a curtain covers the sun. Johnny’s heart is broken and he doesn’t know what to do. This is a person his heart was fixed on.
Johnny is a wreck. But mom comes to offer the following advice which is basically just a worn-out and unthinking cliche, “Don’t feel bad, John, there are other fish in the sea.” Bury the pain, replace the loss. Johnny has steps one and two down pat now. He’ll use them the rest of his life.
Much later, John’s grandfather dies—the one he fished with every summer and felt close to. A note was slipped to him in math class. He read the note and couldn’t fight off the tears. He broke down sobbing on his desk. The teacher felt uncomfortable about it and sent him off to the school office for him to grieve alone.
When John’s father brought him home from school, John saw his mother weeping in the living room, and he wanted to embrace her and cry with her. But his dad said, “Don’t disturb her, John, she needs to be alone. She’ll be all right in a little while. Then the two of you can talk.”
The third piece in the grieving puzzle was now making sense to John: Grieve alone. So he went to his room to cry alone, and he felt a deep sense of loneliness.
Eventually he buried those feelings, and he replaced the sense of loss over his grandfather with a whole host of athletic involvements. He tried his best to function normally. But he found himself many months later constantly thinking about his grandpa: the fishing trips, the Christmas Eves, the birthdays.
His preoccupation went on for months until he finally told his dad about it. His dad said, “John, give it time.” Translation: Time heals in and of itself. This became step four in John’s understanding of grief management.
What has all of this taught John over the years? Bury your feelings, replace your losses, grieve alone, and give it time because time heals.
Well, John gave it time and more time, but somehow he felt trapped in a cell of sadness. What made matters worse was that as he relived his relationship with his grandfather, he realized that he had never really thanked his grandpa for the fishing trips, the sack lunches, and the late afternoon swims when the fish weren’t biting.
He had left so many things unsaid—even the big one: “I love you, Grandpa.” He didn’t get to say it. John said to himself, “What can I do about it now? I guess I’ll just live with regret the rest of my life.” That became the fifth piece in his approach to grief: If there’s unfinished business, plan to live with regret; there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.
As you can imagine, with all the trauma, John thinks to himself, “Close relationships expose me to the possibility of deep pain; therefore, the way to make sure that this kind of anguish is never experienced again is to keep an arm’s distance from any close involvement.” This is why he decided to put up a wall and never trust again. Don’t get so close to people that their absence could hurt you deeply.
Maybe this is why Jesus felt it was so important to pronounce a blessing on those who mourn. He knows that grieving is a difficult process and we don’t always get the support we need.
Someone shared with me the grieving process they were going through for a family member who was under hospice care. And one of the things this person shared was that they were keeping a box of tissues close by when the tears would come.
People who are in touch with their feelings and express them freely can begin the journey toward hope. Jesus teaches us to feel free enough to grieve our losses—when we face the death of a loved one, and other losses as well: childhood traumas, parts of our past, health losses, relational losses, financial losses. Through his own tears, Jesus’ shows us that it’s OK to cry.
A second way to grieve with hope is to not run away from the pain. Sometimes when people face grief, they think that they have to replace whatever they lost as soon as possible.
A seasoned grief counselor offers these words of wisdom for those who are going through grief. She says, “Of course I tell them to feel their feelings. But then I also urge people to reduce radically the pace of their lives. I urge them to review their loss, talk about it openly, think about it thoroughly, write about it reflectively, and pray through it.”
She continued, “It’s my experience that people want to run from their pain. They want to replace pain with another feeling as soon as they can. To recover from pain, you have to face it. You must stand in it and process it before it will dissipate. That’s God’s way.”
To grieve with hope is also to grieve in community.
The Bible has hundreds of texts urging the brokenhearted to band together with family and friends in order to grieve in community. Once again Jesus, when his upcoming death was looming large in his mind, grabbed Peter, James, and John, and he said, “Come to a quiet place with me. A loss is coming, and I need my closest friends with me. So pray with me, and hold me up.”
Apparently Jesus-followers learned well to grieve in community, because after Jesus’ crucifixion, Christ’s followers were grieving together in community when the knock on the door came announcing the resurrection of Jesus on that first Easter Sunday. Grieving in community can bring both healing and bondedness.
One of the wonderful ministries of our church is Stephen Ministry which offers one to one peer support for people who are experiencing a time of transition and grief in their lives. Our Stephen Ministers have received extensive training to be good listeners and offer a safe space for people who need to talk.
Our small group ministry is another way that we can find support from one another and know that there are people who care.
We aren’t meant to grieve in isolation. We are to grieve in community.
A fourth way to grieve with hope is to give to God our past regrets.
The Bible offers an amazing word of hope and healing for people who have unfinished business with someone who won’t or can’t offer reconciliation. This word of hope and reconciliation is found in Romans 12:18, which says, “If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
This verse teaches that we can finish our part of the unfinished business with anybody. Subsequently we can live without the nagging feeling that we won’t ever be able to bring closure to that relationship.
I while back, I was reading about a father and a son who had a tension-filled relationship. In the middle of all the hostility, his dad died of a heart attack. The sadness over all that unfinished business just about overwhelmed this man. A wise counselor challenged him to write a final letter to his dad in order to express the unexpressed and bring closure to the relationship.
Writing that letter ended up being the most difficult assignment of his life. He wrote a 30-page letter, which he read word for word to his mom, and his brothers and sisters, in the presence of the counselor. He said, “When that was over, a weight was lifted that I had carried for almost a decade.” He made peace on his side of the relationship.
God’s approach says we don’t have to carry a backpack of regret the rest of our lives.
And this fifth way to grieve with hope is to know that a day will come when there will be no more death, loss, or the need to grieve. Our Ephesians scripture passage this morning remind us to set our hope on Christ and the promise of redemption. God is a redeeming God! “Blessed are you who mourn.”
The Christian hope has, and always will be, the sure and certain assurance that God’s kingdom of love and righteousness will one day fill this earth fully and completely when Jesus returns.
Death and loss will not have the last word because of the good news of what God has done for us through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.
And it is why Jesus can say, “Blessed are you who mourn.”
Blessed Are Those Who Mourn
Sermon Discussion Questions
Luke 6:20-31
September 8, 2019
All Saints Sunday, Ash Wednesday, and Holy Week are all days on the church calendar that invite us to grieve. Ash Wednesday invites us to grieve over our sins and our mortality. Holy Week invites us to reflect on the meaning of Jesus’ suffering and death. And All Saints Sunday is when we remember those who have died and are no longer with us.
Why do you think grieving is important? What helps you to express your grief in a way that brings comfort to you?
Our main scripture focus for All Saints Sunday was Luke 6:21b where Jesus says, “Blessed are you who mourn for you shall be comforted.” Pastor Robert shared 5 important ways that our faith can lead us to grieve with hope.
1. Be in touch with your feelings. Remember, feelings are facts. They are neither right or wrong. They just are.
What helps you to be in touch with your feelings and to honor your feelings that can lead you to grieve?
2. Don’t run away from the pain of grief.
How do you know when you’re running away from the pain of grief?
3. Open yourself to others you can trust and share with them about your grief. This might be a trusted friend, your small group, a Stephen Minister which is a ministry of our church that offers one to one confidential peer support.
Share a time when you opened yourself to others about your grief. Who are the trusted persons who can be by your side when you are grieving?
4. Give to God your past regrets. Sometimes, our grief relates to things from our past that we can’t change. Pastor Robert shared Romans 12:18 which says, “If it is possible, as so far it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” This verse reminds us that God only calls on us to control what we can control and to give unresolved issues over to God.
What unresolved issue continues to be painful for you? How can Romans 12:18 help you in receiving God’s peace in that situation that is beyond your control?
5. Remember that a time is coming when God will make all things new! This is the ultimate hope of our faith that one day all relationships, pain, brokenness, and grief will be fully healed. All Saints Sunday not only gives us the opportunity to grieve, but it also reminds us of this hope! This is why Jesus tells us in our Gospel reading for All Saints Sunday, “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”
What are some ways that you remind yourself of this ultimate hope of our faith? Worship? Scripture Reading? Prayer? Other?
