Inappropriate Hymns for a Pastor's First Sunday

Just as there are inappropriate hymn choices for a pastor's farewell Sunday (click here), there are also hymn selections that a new pastor will do well to stay away from for his or her first Sunday. To all my clergy colleagues who are leading worship in their new churches this Sunday and have chosen any of these hymns, hopefully there is time to change the bulletin asap before they get printed for this Sunday.

You're welcome.

#10 

God Forgave My Sin in Jesus' Name

[Your first Sunday is not the time to share your deepest sin with the new congregation.]

#9 

O Mary Don't You Weep, Don't Your Mourn

[Chances are really, really good that there is a parishioner named Mary in your new congregation. Don't choose this one!]

#8 

A Heavy Burden

[I know we pastors can be high maintenance, but let's not get off to a negative start.]

#7 

Restless Sea of Time

[For most congregations, the perception is that the 1950's was the only non-restless "Sea of Time." Think positive and don't use this hymn!]

#6 

Dear Lord, for All in Pain

[Let's not assume that people will not like you on your first Sunday. Again, think happy thoughts!]

#5 

I Want to Be Ready

[I know that we never feel perfectly ready to deliver that all important first sermon, but if we studied the text, prayed, and know what the Lord wants us to say, just let it happen! OK, now go hit it out of the park!]

#4 

Let the People Seek Their Freedom

[OK, this hymn should NOT be sung for the first Sunday because of United Methodist Book of Discipline and governing reasons. Even though this hymn has nothing to do with voting on keeping or not keeping a new pastor, perception is reality. We do not have a congregational method of choosing pastors. Our Bishop makes clergy appointments.]

#3 

Farewell Dear Friends

[Do I even need to explain why you shouldn't use this hymn for your first Sunday? Do you know how crazy tired you will be if you move twice in two weeks??]

#2 

People Look East

[This hymn should not be chosen if the Bishop's office is located east of your new congregation.]

And the top most inappropriate hymn for a pastor's first Sunday is the exact same hymn that is inappropriate for a pastor's last Sunday...

#1 

Move Me, Move Me

Inappropriate Hymns for a Pastor's Last Sunday

As I was selecting hymns for my last Sunday at Lancaster First UMC which will be June 14, it became very apparent to me that there are many hymns that would be inappropriate to use for this occasion. Thankfully, I have enjoyed a wonderful relationship with my congregation over these past six years and my actual hymn choices for my final Sunday will be nothing like these!

In the spirit of not taking ourselves too seriously in the church, I offer this list of the top 10 most inappropriate hymns for a pastor's last Sunday.

#10 

Hail Thee, Festival Day

#9 

Good Christian Friends, Rejoice

#8 

Come, Ye Thankful People, Come

#7 

Nobody Knows the Trouble I See

#6 

The Strife Is O'er, the Battle Done

#5 

He Never Said a Mumbalin' Word

#4 

Rock-a-Bye, My Dear Little Boy

#3 

Filled with Excitement, All the Happy Throng

#2 

When the Church of Jesus Shuts It's Outer Door

And the top most inappropriate hymn for a pastor's last Sunday is...

#1 

Move Me, Move Me

Top 10 Bogus Reasons Why I'm Moving

Due to the recent news that I have been appointed to serve a different congregation this June, I thought I would head off some bogus reasons that are floating out there about why I am moving.  Sorry conspiracy theorists, but this is too important to not address. The truth must prevail.

Bogus Reasons Why I Am Moving

#10 - I want to serve every "First" United Methodist Church in the Conference.

Since this will only be my 2nd First congregation and there are over one zillion "First" United Methodist Churches in our conference and I am middle aged, I would need to average four moves per month over the remaining years of my pastoral career to cross this off my bucket list. It is true that I have a longing to serve every "Third" United Methodist Church but I don't think I am going to reach that goal either at the rate I'm going.

#9 - I am upset with the decision to change the place where our church buys our Fellowship Time donuts.

Actually, this is one of the reasons why I fought against my move to a new congregation. Are you kidding me? I bit into one of our new donuts during a recent Sunday morning and that sucker was cream filled! Yum!

#8 - The church has not honored my request to serve ham loaves at every single church function.

It's interesting that two of the top ten bogus rumors deal with food related reasons for the announcement of my departure. While it's true that I have completed over a thousand suggestion comment cards for our church to serve ham loaves at every single church function including the men's prayer breakfasts, even I know that for the 3 to 5 people in our church who don't like ham loaves, you have to think of the greater good. 

#7 - I demanded to be sent to a church with a bigger church parking lot.

Have you ever been to the parking lot at Athens First UMC? Ok, next time you are at the Lancaster Post Office, look at that parking lot and imagine only 1/3 of that little space. That's the size of the Athens First parking lot.

#6 - I have run out of sermon illustrations.

Not true! Yes, I have run out of my very best heart tugging type of sermon illustrations but I still have a whole computer file of above average illustrations left for future use. 

#5 - I want to find a parsonage that is even closer to the church.

It takes me ten seconds to walk from the back door of my house to the back entrance of the church and that's even when my backyard gate latch is a little stuck. My new home will be at least an eight minute commute by car, so this should nip this bogus reason for leaving in the bud.

#4 - I have always wanted to live "down south."

On the surface, this bogus reason is actually true. South Carolina is a favorite vacation spot for us. I know that Athens is in southeast, Ohio, but the one degree temperature difference is really not worth all of this effort to pack up and move. I have noticed that you start seeing palm trees around the Nelsonville area, though.

#3 - I wanted to move closer to State College, PA.

Actually, Athens is farther away by four whole minutes. That's a whole lot of extra sleep before making the pilgrimage to Happy Valley!

#2 - Our dog, Lulu is not happy here.

Are you kidding me? She loves to bark at church members. One of her best friends is Rocky Slater who lives next door. Just look at the look of shock she gave us when we told her the news this past Sunday afternoon.

And the # 1 bogus reason why I'm moving...

#1 - I don't get enough love for being a Penn State fan since I live in the heart of Buckeye Country.

This one at first glance is believable. Some have said that I have requested a church that is farther away from Columbus. Now that I am in my 27th year of pastoral ministry, I have developed very tough callouses for anti-Penn State comments. In the past, I would often cry and run to the pastor's study when a parishioner would say to me, "Penn State sucks!" but over time, I have learned to wear these kinds of comments as a badge of honor. My new cheer, "We Are...OH!" has also helped me to appreciate the friendly border state rivalry of these two schools.

Clergy Cluster - How Is it with your Soul?

Bottom row left to right: Rev. Rick Jones (Sixth Avenue UMC), Rita Kay Brown (Mills Memorial UMC), & Rev. Phyllis Fetzer (Maple Street UMC.) 
Top row left to right: Rev. Alice Wolfe (Baltimore Christ UMC), Rev. Jeremy Shank UMC (Thornville UMC), Rev. Craig Arnold (Shalom UMC) & Rev. Ted Grotsky (Dumontville UMC)
Not Pictured: Rev. Stacy Evans, Rev. Patty Wycuff, and the photographer (me.)


I am privileged to participate in a monthly clergy cluster meeting with United Methodist clergy in the greater Lancaster area. We take turns hosting our gatherings at each of our churches. The host pastor provides refreshments and offers a devotional thought which includes the Sacrament of Holy Communion.

The purpose of the cluster is to support, encourage, and share effective ministry practices with each other. It's also a time for us to share with each other how it is with our souls. This was a question John Wesley encouraged the early Methodist class meetings to ask. It's a simple question, but also a very profound one.

Today's meeting was at Dumontville UMC and was hosted by Rev. Ted Grotsky. As you can see in the picture, we also love to have fun.

Clergy House-Warming Gifts

If you are in need of some house-warming gift ideas for a clergy type person, there is no shortage of possibilities.

What clergy person doesn't need a John 3:16 pillow for their living room couch?

Or a nativity clock on top of the mantle?

How about a leather scripture chair? 

You can't have enough religious mugs for all of that cupboard space.

Here's a practical way of reminding your pastor to pray whenever they pull off a book from their shelf.

And what clergy home would be complete without a door mat that has a mini-sermon on it?

While all of these gifts are great ideas, don't forget just how much clergy like to make a religious statement at the end of their driveway.

On the other hand, a John Wesley bobble head would like nice on the desk in their study.

Maybe, I'll just stick with a more practical gift like fruit and bottles of water. Of course, I'll need to get labels for the water bottles that say, "Jesus is the Living Water" and a welcome to your new home card that includes the "fruit of the Spirit" scripture passage. 

You just can't go wrong with any of these gift ideas.

Pastors & Weekly Schedules

What do pastors do with their time? That's a great question! I don't always do a great job of keeping track of my work time during a given week. Thanks to a recent article from "The Christian Post," here's how I spend my time assuming I'm an "average Senior Pastor."

• Works more than 55 hours/week (42% of us work more than 60 hours.)
• Most of our time is spent in preparing sermons/worship services.
• More than 70% of us spend up to 5 hrs. a week in meetings.
• Half of us spend 2 - 5 hours each week in visitations.
• More than half of us are praying 1 - 6 hrs. a week and the same percentage of us are setting aside 2 - 5 hrs. in personal devotions a week that are not directly related to sermon preparation.

Here's my basic schedule for an average week: (The picture is where I work on my sermons.)

• Mondays - Sermon/Worship Service Preparation (All Day)
• Tuesdays - Staff Meetings, Hospital Visits, (Sometimes Evening Meeting)
• Wednesdays - Worship Planning, Bible Study Planning, Hospital Visits, Teach Bible Study, Lead Worship Service
• Thursdays - Office/Maintenance Staff Meetings, Church/Community Visitations, (Sometimes Evening Meeting,) & Teach Bible Study
• Friday Mornings - Final Editing of Sunday Sermon
• Saturday Mornings - Varies Depending on Church Schedule & Review Sermon Several Times
• Sundays - 3 Worship Services
• Everyday- 30 Minute Early Morning Personal Scripture/Prayer Time

Like any pastor, things change quickly due to funerals, counseling needs, weddings, and pastoral care emergencies. At least one of these ministry areas factors into a given week.

What's my favorite part of ministry? I deeply value my Monday sermon/worship planning time. If you ever notice me in a good mood on a Tuesday morning, it's probably because things went well on Monday! If I'm in a bad mood, then...

Well, let's just say, I appreciate your prayers especially on Mondays!