Funniest/Quirkiest Things During My Years of Pastoral Ministry

[The offering plate hat was not one of my better stewardship ideas.]

My first pastoral church appointment was when I was attending seminary in 1986. In total, I have had the honor and privilege of serving in six church appointments during the course of my full-time ministry. Since retirement in 2023, I have been appointed part-time to two churches in the South Carolina Annual Conference where new memories are being made. 

In celebration of these 40 years of pastoral ministry, I have put together some of the more humorous and quirky church moments that have happened to me. And these are in no particular order. Once in a while, it's good to reflect on the lighter side of church life. Enjoy!

"I was glad when they said to me, 'Let us go to the house of the Lord.'" - Psalm 122:1

Plumbing 101

When the notes of the processional hymn are about to begin, you never know when someone might frantically come up to you just as you’re entering the sanctuary with the choir and say, “The toilet is broken!” You couldn’t get those words out of your mind for the entire service. In fact, they’re still ringing in your ears. In addition to seminary courses on biblical studies, ancient Greek/Hebrew, and theology, they really need to up their game by adding other needed courses like becoming proficient in church boilers, building alarm systems, and basic plumbing skills. While I wish ministry was more about receiving new members, awing the congregation with a great sermon, or having a meaningful prayer with a church member in a hospital room, it’s these more mundane and humbling moments that can make us smile as well. 

Make a Ritual to Not Forget Your Ritual

Just before you walk into the sanctuary with the groom and groomsmen for the wedding, always make one last check to make sure you have your official wedding ritual especially if you are still in your first years of pastoral ministry. While extemporaneous prayers and vows are sweet, you just can’t replace the words in that ritual that have been tested over the centuries. But hey, you at least knew to throw in a few “thous” and “thees” to spruce it up so you get a solid B- for winging it that day! Way to go!

 Details, Details, Details

For the announcements one Sunday, you were asked to tell the congregation that everyone was invited to go to Lee’s that day for a meal to support the youth mission trip. How were you supposed to know that they meant the Lee’s Famous Recipe Chicken restaurant and not the home of one of your staff members whose name was Lee and was the person who gave you the announcement to read. But it is always good to clarify those announcements first!

Unexpected Worship Guests

At one of your churches, the congregation enjoyed having worship services on the church lawn during the summer each year. The problem was there was so much street noise near the church and people found it difficult to worship. But really what ended this outdoor worship experiment was the stray dog in heat who was a little too friendly toward the worshippers. But live and learn.

How Clumsy of Me!

Note to self: When serving Holy Communion at the home of a homebound member, be careful not to spill the grape juice on her beautiful tablecloth especially if you just complimented her on how beautiful it is.

 

In Sickness and in Health

When officiating for a wedding, be prepared for anything, like a bride who just before the wedding vows needs to sit down in the choir loft so she can discreetly throw up. Make sure one of the groomsmen gets a damp cloth and a glass of water. That always helps. And when you’re finally ready to resume the wedding, just because she doesn’t faint again, you’re still not home free. Remember, it’s going to be really awkward when you look at the groom and say, “You may kiss the bride.”

Expect the Unexpected

 

I don’t care how much you carefully plan out the Christmas Eve service but just know that something weird is going to happen, like a stray dog who starts walking down the sanctuary aisle during your opening welcome. But thank goodness, at least this dog wasn’t in heat.

 

Cords and Chords

If you have a contemporary worship service and use recorded music through the sound system instead of a live praise band, make sure that the extension cord isn’t in the way of any parishioner who might accidentally trip over it and pull it from the outlet. At least the parishioner was OK, but dang, it happened right before we were about to sing the goose bumpy part of that awesome praise song!

Here Comes the Bride

I know that your organist has never missed a wedding in his thirty years of being a church organist, but hey, it can happen. And it did. I liked your idea of substituting the processional music by simply reading I Corinthians 13 as the bridesmaids and the bride came forward so that special moment wouldn’t be in complete silence. That kind of worked. But you didn’t think through what to do for the end of the wedding service. When you announced they were husband and wife and the people clapped loudly that was really nice, but it was really weird to then watch the couple and the wedding party recess down the aisle in complete silence. Kind of a downer. But give yourself a solid grade for covering the processional!

 

 Ministry Isn’t for the Faint of Heart

 

If you're going to get food poisoning and pass out in church, here's a helpful tip for the future. JUST DON'T COME TO CHURCH WHEN YOU’RE THAT SICK, even if it is a combined Mothers' Day and confirmation Sunday with a packed house. But look at it this way. At least the 7th grade confirmation class who sat in the first two pews and watched you pass out during your sermon will never forget the day they joined the church and neither will their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, and family members who were in attendance that day. Look at it this way, you made it so memorable for everyone and they still talk about it to this day.

Oh, and as the one who fainted, you won’t forget that day either because as you were being carried out of the sanctuary, one of those 7th graders said loudly enough for all to hear, “Is he dead?”

 

And one more thing you learned about this fainting story. God really does have a sense of humor because just two days later after you started feeling better, you needed to conduct a funeral and of all the scriptures you could have used to comfort the family, you read this one from Isaiah chapter 40.

 

“The Lord is an everlasting God…He does not faint or grow weary and strengthens the powerless. Even youths will faint and be weary and the young will fall exhausted but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

 

Yes, God really does have a sense of humor!

 

 A Grave Mistake

 

The memorial service at the church this morning went well. And then the people proceeded to the cemetery for the graveside service.

Verses of scripture reminding everyone of the resurrection and of the hope we have in Christ were read to begin the service and then a prayer. A short scripture followed and then you led in a prayer commending the person's body to the Lord.

What followed was a first for you as a pastor at a graveside service. You closed the service with this benediction which is one of those tried-and-true benedictions that is supposed to send the people off with the knowledge that God is sovereign and will continue to be with us even as we continue to grieve and mourn.

"Now to the One who is able to keep you from falling..."

It was during the word "falling" that you took a small step forward to be closer to the 30 to 40 people who were gathered around the grave. Little did you know as you were concentrating on saying the benediction, that you were also on very uneven ground causing you to stumble forward into the first row of mourners. 

Acting like nothing had happened and hearing the people chuckle because they couldn't help but notice the irony of the situation, you continued in the benediction,

"...and like I was saying, to make you stand without blemish in the presence of God's glory with rejoicing, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."

Yes, indeed. The One who is able to keep us from falling, did so for you in that moment. And the good news is that when you stumble again, God will be there to steady you and help you find solid ground. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

Don’t Flick the Ashes!

Seminary prepared you for most things related to pastoral ministry except for the needed artistic skill on how to impose ashes on people’s foreheads for Ash Wednesday services. You were doing great as people were coming forward to your station. You love doing this because it’s an important way to help your flock begin the Season of Lent by remembering that we are dust and to dust we shall return. One after another, they came forward and like a pro, you carefully placed those ashes in the form of small cross. 

That was until one woman came forward and as you were placing the horizontal part of those ashes on her forehead to complete the cross, a clump of ashes fell from her forehead and onto her nose. Knowing that you needed to remedy this situation quickly, you decided to discreetly flick that little clump of ashes from her nose, but instead you actually made it a lot worse because now the ashes made a straight line across her nose. You could see this was a losing battle, so you wisely whispered, “You might want to go to the restroom and look in a mirror.”

She smiled back and kept smiling for a few seconds indicating that she could see the humor in that holy and awkward moment. And you also learned a valuable pastoral lesson. Never, never flick the ashes!

Stars in the Church

Over the years, you have been privileged to be the pastor of several well-known celebrities.  OK, at least by name association.  On the lighter side of pastoral ministry, here are some of the celebrity names who were members of your church.

Pete Rose - A very successful farmer, but oddly, I never saw him wear a Reds hat.
Jimmy Carter - I believe he was an educator and I don't think he was from Georgia.
Cindy Crawford - I golfed with her and officiated her daughter's wedding!
Charles Brown - He was a great organist, but I hear that Schroeder was even better.
Charlie Brown - He loved our worship services unless Lucy was in attendance.
Dr. J – I never saw him dunk a basketball, but he sure was an awesome choir director in our church.

Fruitful Ministry

You have shared humorous and quirky pastoral ministry stories about worship, pastoral care, weddings, and funerals, but don’t forget the one about a continuing education event. One of your churches had an excellent Stephen Ministry program where church members go through extensive training to offer one to one peer support for people who are going through times of grief, life transitions, and difficult challenges.  

Your Stephen Ministry leader encouraged you to attend a week long training so that you would be able to help oversee this vital ministry in the church. The training was held at a really nice hotel in Pittsburgh, PA.  On the second day of the training you came back to your hotel room at the end of the afternoon session and you were surprised to see a very large fruit basket in your hotel room. The tag said, “From your Stephen Ministers.” You thought how nice this was that the Stephen Ministry training people were giving these fruit basket to the participants that week especially since there were probably around 100 at this training.

When you went down to the group dinner that night, you said to several of the other people, “It was so nice that they gave us a fruit basket!” But nobody had received their fruit basket so then you said, “Oh, maybe they stagger these out through the week.”

You took that fruit basket home with you to share with your family and told them that this is what the people at the training gave the participants. That Sunday at church, you see the person who encouraged you to attend the event and she asked how it went and you shared a few of the highlights of the week. A couple of Sundays go by and she says to you, “Hey, did you happen to get a fruit basket delivered to your hotel room when you were at the training? Our church’s Stephen Ministers sent that and I just want to make sure that you received it when you were there.”

The look on your face must have been priceless! “It was from you?? I am so sorry. I thought it was from the Stephen Ministry team who were leading the training!” To this day, you still feel bad that you told people that they should be getting their fruit baskets too. 

But mostly you smile and give thanks to God for all of the fruitful ministry you have been blessed to be part of throughout these past 40 years.

Thanks be to God!

Sunday (Feb. 15/Transfiguration Sunday) Pastoral Prayer

Sunday, February 15, 2026 (Transfiguration Sunday)

Beulah UMC & Oak Grove UMC

O God of mystery, wonder, and surprises, surely your presence is in this place. You reveal yourself to us after a long hike up a high mountain. You reveal yourself to us when we are faced with a difficult decision. You reveal yourself to us when our hearts are grieving. And you reveal yourself to us while seated in a church pew during a typical Sunday morning of worship. Surely your presence is in this place.

Thank you for these holy moments and heighten our awareness so that we not only see them but also expect them. Open our hearts to see your presence on the mountaintop as well as in the valley, along the interstate as well as a meandering back road, during a worship service as well as in our own living room. Surely your presence is in every place.

 

And thank you for this opportunity this morning to pray for the people on our church’s prayer list as well as others who are on our hearts and minds that they would know of your holy presence in whatever they may be facing. May they know of your healing, guiding, comforting, and saving holy presence this day and throughout this week. Surely your presence is in every space.

 

On this transfiguration Sunday, may we each be reminded again and again that your beams of heaven go with us wherever we go and to always pray for your kingdom to come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

 

We pray for that now as we join together in praying the prayer you taught us to say.. 

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

Sermon (Feb. 15/Transfiguration Sunday) “Out of Our Element” by Rev. Robert McDowell

February 15, 2026

Beulah UMC & Oak Grove UMC

     Have you ever felt like you were out of your element in a big way?

     Many of you might not know this piece of personal trivia but I used to take organ lessons when I was in elementary school.

     Do you remember those days when it seemed like every shopping mall had an organ store?  Well, every Friday, my parents would drive about twenty minutes to a nearby shopping mall to make an organist out of me.

     Pat was the name of my organ teacher.  I remember her having really dark hair and she had the patience of an angel.  She would ask me about my day, about school, and how things were going.  I liked Pat a lot.

    She had me practice and practice a particular piece of music that I was to perform for an upcoming organ recital.

     The name of the piece?  None other of course, then the classical piece entitled, “Go tell Aunt Nancy, the Old Gray Goose is Dead.”

     You see, my organ teacher could tell talent when she saw it, and that’s why I was playing songs like “Go tell Aunt Nancy” so quickly in my organ playing career.

     The lyrics of this beloved piece of music begins with:  “Go tell Aunt Nancy, go tell Aunt Nancy.  Go tell Aunt Nancy, the old gray goose is dead.”

     I’ve contemplated long and hard about those lyrics, but they continue to be a mystery to me.

     Penny tells me that she learned this song a bit differently.  Instead of Aunt Nancy, it was Aunt Rhody.  But she was from a different region of the state where they used a different name.

     So anyway, I practiced and practiced this classic piece for hours and hours, and Pat patiently helped me week after week to get the notes just right.  I mean, after all, this song had two sharps.  I don’t remember what sharps are, but I remember them being quite a challenge to play.

     Well…it was now time for the organ recital.  Pat was just one of several organ teachers at this organ store.  And so, it kind of surprised me as the organ recital was about to begin, that there were all of these other students packed into this little organ store, and most of them were a lot older than I was.

     We were all waiting until our names would be called to play our musical pieces for what seemed to be about a hundred people who were seated out in front of the store in this shopping Mall.  It was a Sunday afternoon and they had reserved this large seating area for this recital.

     I was somewhere in the middle of the program, nervous as anything, when I heard my name called.  “Robert McDowell will now play ‘Go Tell Aunt Nancy.’”

     I nervously walked out of the organ store to just outside the store and proudly jump up on the organ bench placing my “Go Tell Aunt Nancy” sheet music on the sheet music stand.  I look intently at the score and collect my thoughts.

     It was a very good thing that I collected my thoughts, because, I noticed that my feet were dangling in mid air.  My toes could not reach the organ pedals. 

     And then I notice that this organ had a whole lot more keys than what I had been using for my Friday night lessons.  And for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out which of the three manuals to play. 

     And so there I sat…just kind of helpless and not knowing what to do.

     And after a few awkward moments, I feel these hands reach underneath my armpits.  And my organ teacher, Pat lifts me from this giant size organ, and carries me over to the little organ.  And honestly, I can’t remember much after that.  It’s all a blurr to me now.

     All I know was that I was out of my element that day, because later in that recital, I heard the bigger kids playing more advanced pieces of music.  And that’s when I realized that there was a whole lot more to organ music than Aunt Nancy and a dead goose.

     What do you do when you are put in a situation where you are clearly out of your element?

     That’s why I feel for the disciples of Jesus in our scripture reading this morning.  Those poor guys!  They probably figured that something extraordinary was about to happen when Jesus singled them out from the other followers to follow him up a high mountain.

     “What’s Jesus going to do?  Where are you taking us?  Will we be back by lunch? Hey, this climb is pretty steep!  Slow down Jesus.  We can’t keep up.”

     And just like that, Mark tells us that Jesus was transfigured right there in front of the three of them.

     Transfigured.  I’ve often tried to get a mental picture of what this probably looked like for the disciples.  Mark tells us that just like that, Jesus’ clothes became dazzling white.  Dazzling.  The Greek word is “stilbo” which can be translated as dazzling, radiant, shining.

     And if that wasn’t enough, Elijah and Moses, these ancient figures and heroes of the faith from many centuries ago, appear out of nowhere and they are talking to Jesus.

     What are the disciples to make of this strange and glorious scene?

     Mark tells us that the disciples were scared out of their wits.  I can understand why.  This is a life shaping event and it just kind of happened.  No advance warning.  No hints or clues that this was going to happen.  It just happened.  To them.

     Peter, not knowing what to say that would make any sense, offers to assemble some sort of dwelling places for each of these individuals, a request which goes unheeded by Jesus.

     I really feel for Peter in this situation.  It was kind of like his feet were dangling on the bench of a three manual organ, not knowing how to play the music that was given to him.  He was out of his element.

     Can you imagine the disciples trying to describe what happened up there on that mountain? 

  “Well, it’s like this.  We were hiking up the mountain, when we stopped for a rest.  And all of the sudden, there was this ‘white-out.’  We looked around to see if everyone was OK.  But when we looked for Jesus, that’s when we realized that he was the one causing the white-out.”

     If you were one of the disciples, would you even dare to mention to your friends that you also saw Moses and Elijah?  How would you ever explain that?

     And what about the voice we heard from the cloud?  Don’t even go there.  Try explaining that to someone.

     Don’t you feel a bit awkward and out of your element when you encounter those moments when God is so unmistakably present?  I know I do.

     As a pastor, I have always encouraged the people in my churches to be alert to these transfiguration moments that happen to us more often than we may realize. These are commonly referred to as God moments, closest to Christ moments, or as Celtic Christianity likes to refer to them as, “Thin Place moments.”

     Thin places refer to those times when heaven and earth overlap in our daily lives and God is made present to us in a very real way.

     Most of the time, these thin place moments do not appear to be overly dramatic or life changing events, but if we take the time to notice them, they remind us that God is closer to us than we may realize.

     One of my “closest to Christ” moments occurred when we were driving back from dropping off our daughter at college. I was feeling a little down and a little tired as we began our two hour journey home. 

     As I continued driving on the interstate toward home, that’s when I had a one of those “thin place” moments.  Along the interstate was a large billboard that said, “Jesus Is Real.”

     I had seen that billboard many, many times before that day, but this time, it became something more for me, because one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve seen for quite some time, was shining from behind it. 

     It was so beautiful.  It was like God was saying, “Just like this beautiful sunset, remember that I am with you during these transitions in life. I’m right here for you now in this moment.”

     God works in mysterious ways. There are transfiguration stories like this all around us. And like the disciples, we are reminded that heaven is a lot closer than we may think.

     I wonder how many of these transfiguration moments I miss. And yet, when I do have the eyes of faith, these ordinary events all of the sudden become dazzling spectacles of God’s presence.

     Several years ago, around this time of year, a pastor called me to see if I would be open to the possibility of working on staff with him at a large United Methodist Church. He invited me to pray about it and give it some thought.

     A few days later, I called him back and told him that Penny and I wanted to learn more about this new opportunity and so he invited us to come for the day to see the church and have lunch with him.

     On the day that Penny and I were to leave to visit this pastor and his church, we prayed together that morning, asking God to show us a sign of what we should do.  Even our Upper Room devotional reading that morning talked about being open to God’s presence and that God would help us in making the right decision.

     We had a two-hour drive ahead of us.  It was a strange kind of day weather-wise.  Early spring, somewhat cold and overcast, and to the west during our drive were these very dark and ominous clouds.

     We were about another 30 minutes away from the church, when Penny and I noticed this large rainbow up ahead of us.  It was in the direction of the church we were going to visit, this wonderful, dazzling rainbow contrasted by the dark gray clouds. 

     This dazzling display of God’s presence took us both by surprise. 

     It was like the heavens were telling this young and naïve couple, “Jesus is real.”

     Friends, these transfiguration moments happen all of the time.

     In 2018, my 94-year-old aunt passed away. She represented the last family member of my parents’ generation. She was my dad’s sister-in-law.

     Her death really impacted me because when I would visit with her, she always had a story to share about our family that I had never heard. She was like our family historian, and I loved to hear her stories about my parents and my other aunts and uncles.

     She was also a woman of great faith and I will always cherish those times that we got to pray together.

     As I started the long drive from Ohio where we were living to attend her funeral in Pennsylvania, I said a prayer in the car for God to give me a little sign of his presence in the midst of our sorrow. As I was driving through Maryland, my GPS wanted me to take a route that was different than what I normally take on my way back to see my family.

     It was near rush hour and instead of having me go into the Baltimore rush hour traffic, it wanted me to save time by turning north a little sooner. I debated in my mind if I should take this new route, but I did since it said it was going to save me some driving time.

     Since this was a new route for me, I was still a little skeptical if I made the right decision. Instead of being on a highway, I was now on a two-land road. “I should have stayed on the highway,” I thought to myself. To make matters worse, it became a very curvy and hilly road.

     Before too long, I was now in what seemed like a state park where I was now only going about 35 miles an hour and navigating through sharp curves. I was now regretting my decision.

     It was about that time, that the miracle happened. I suddenly realized that I was taking a route that was running alongside the Appalachian Trail. As I drove through this heavily forested area, it was one of the most scenic drives I had ever experienced.

     The fall leaves were unbelievably vibrant, and the sun was so beautiful as it made those autumn colors become even more alive.

     And for what seemed like the next several miles, I was driving along a clear stream that meandered through that beautiful park. It was just unbelievably breathtaking. Honestly, it was like I was all of the sudden driving through heaven.

     I started to think of Aunt Dot and wondered if this was what she was now experiencing in the heavenly realm. A smile came to my face when it finally dawned on me that this was the sign from God that I had prayed about several hours earlier when I left for the trip.

     A peace flooded my soul as I continued on that drive. About a couple of minutes later, I found myself back on a highway that took me the rest of the way home. That portion of my unexpected detour was a thin place moment for me.

 

     Like the disciple Peter, we don’t always know what to do when we experience these holy moments as we go through our day to day living. These dazzling displays of God’s presence will often times leave us speechless.

     So if you ever feel a little out of your element because of these transfiguration like moments, and you kind of feel like your feet are dangling in mid-air, don’t be surprised if you feel someone lifting you up, and a voice offering these reassuring words to you, “Get up. Don’t be afraid.”

     Happy Transfiguration Sunday!