A United Methodist Pastor's Theological Reflections

"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory (nikos) through our Lord Jesus Christ." - I Corinthians 15:57


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Lessons this Pastor Has Learned: Twenty-Five Years of Ministry


I began pastoring a small rural church in 1986 while attending seminary. In total, I have had the honor and priviledge of serving in five church appointments during the course of my first twenty-five years of ministry.

In celebration of the first twenty-five years, here are ten lessons I have learned about being a pastor. Once in a while, it's good to reflect on the lighter side of church life. Enjoy!

"I was glad when they said to me, 'Let us go to the house of the Lord.'" - Psalm 122:1

Lesson #1
When the notes of the processional hymn are about to begin, you never know when someone might frantically come up to you just as you’re entering the sanctuary with the choir and say, “The toilet is broken!” You couldn’t get those words out of your mind for the entire service. In fact, they’re still ringing in your ears. Mundane things are often intertwined with high spiritual moments.

Lesson #2
Just before you walk into the sanctuary with the groom and groomsmen for the wedding, always make one last check to make sure you have your wedding ritual. While extemporaneous prayers and vows are sweet, you just can’t replace the words in that ritual that have been tested over the centuries.

Lesson #3
For the announcements one Sunday, you were asked to announce that everyone was invited to go to Lee’s that day for a meal to support the youth mission trip. How were you supposed to know that they meant Lee’s Chicken and not the home of one of your staff members whose name was Lee? It's always good to clarify those announcements first!

Lesson #4
At one of your churches, the congregation enjoyed having worship service on the church lawn during the summer each year. That ended the year when a stray dog was in heat and just wouldn’t go away. It's ok to break from some traditions!

Lesson #5
Note to self: When serving Holy Communion at the home of a homebound member, be careful not to spill the grape juice on her beautiful table cloth especially if you just complimented her on how beautiful it is. Just saying.

Lesson #6
When officiating for a wedding, be prepared for anything, like a bride who just before the wedding vows needs to sit down in the choir loft so she can discreetly throw up. Make sure one of the groomsmen gets a damp cloth and a glass of water. That always helps. And when you’re finally ready to resume the wedding, just because she doesn’t faint again, you’re still not home free. Remember, it’s going to be really awkward when you look at the groom and say, “You may kiss the bride.”

Lesson #7
Don’t fool yourself, you can plan for that special Christmas Eve service all you want, but just know that something weird is going to happen, like a dog who starts walking down the sanctuary aisle during your opening welcome.

Lesson #8
If you have a contemporary worship service and use a midi and recorded music instead of a live praise band, make sure that a parishioner doesn’t accidentally pull the extension cord out of the wall socket as you’re singing, “Lord I Lift Your Name on High.”

Lesson #9
I know that your organist has never missed a wedding in his thirty years of being a church organist, but hey, it can happen. And it did. I liked your idea of reading I Corinthians 13 as the bridesmaids and the bride came forward so that special moment wouldn’t be in complete silence. That kind of worked. But when you announced they were husband and wife, and they recessed out of the sanctuary in silence, that was weird, just really weird.
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Lesson #10
If you're going to get food poisoning and pass out in church, here's a helpful tip for the future. DON'T COME TO CHURCH, especially if it's a combined Mothers' Day and confirmation Sunday with a packed house. The 7th grade confirmand girl who sat in the first pew and had to watch you pass out during your sermon and then be carried out in front of her is still a bit traumatized by the whole thing. But hey, look at it this way - she'll never forget her special day.
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1 comment:

$teve said...

These are hilarious!!!! It's good that you can handle both the humorous and the serious sides of things when it comes to church "bloopers". I remember the one where the dog came down the isle. That is one moment a Pastor should never forget. Pastors need to be prepared for anything that may happen before, during, and after a service. I remember a certain Pastor passing out one Sunday morning as he started his sermon and I couldn't wait to see what he was going to do next. I thought that he was clowning around and would jump up and say something really funny. Then I realized he really did pass out when I heard the sirens and saw the emergency squad personnel walk into the church. I felt so badly about what I had thought earlier.