Bumping into St. Paul in Heaven (A Theological Conversation about the Future of the United Methodist Church)

You probably know some jokes about the person who meets St. Peter at the pearly gates, like this one for example:

A man walks up to the pearly gates. St. Peter asks, “How did you get here?” The man answers, “Flu.”

Now that you’ve had your religious humor for the day, these Pearly Gate jokes got me to thinking of what it would it be like to bump into St. Paul in heaven. By the way, would bumping into one of the apostles in heaven be kind of like bumping into a celebrity here on earth? Would we be star-struck and blurt out something really bizarre or will it feel more like an even playing field? 

As we ponder this deep mystery, here is how a chance meeting with St. Paul in heaven might go.

“Oh my. You’re…you’re…you’re…”

“St. Paul, but just call me Paul. Welcome to heaven. New here?”

“Yep. Just arrived a while back, getting adjusted. Hey, since I ran into you and I’m sure you get asked this all the time but can you explain some things to me that were a little confusing down on earth? You said a lot of things in your letters regarding topics like slavery, women in ministry, homosexuality. I’m assuming you know that these topics have led to some heated conversations in a lot of different denominations. The topic of LGBTQ has been the pressing issue the past several decades for us. So which one of us is right? Conservatives or Progressives?”

“Want the short answer? Neither.” “Uh, OK. Let me rephrase. Which side is more correct?”

“Same answer. Neither. What denomination did you say you were down there?”

“United Methodist.”

“Oh, yeah. That explains it.” “Explains what?” “Well, you all make theological decisions as a group like the early church theologians did in forming the creeds so you’re bound to have heated conversations even after something has been decided. I give you Wesley types credit for group discernment because some denominations and non-denominations don’t even allow differing opinions.”

“Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but based on your letters… by the way Philippians is my favorite…anyway, sometimes, you come across as an arrogant *#%!” Like for example, you wrote that homosexuality is a sin even using the word, ‘abomination’ and women should be silent in worship. Really, those big issues and you didn’t elaborate even just a little? And then on the other hand, why didn’t you just come out and say that slavery should be abolished for good? I know that you said that in Christ there are no longer slaves or free, which is a great theological statement but you didn’t go far enough in terms of slavery as an institution in my humble opinion. That would have at least made it a little harder for southern slave holders to justify owning slaves.”

“OK, Ok, I hear you. My bad. I get that these issues are way more nuanced depending on when you are living, but I was living out this new Jesus faith during the 1st century, like over 2,000 years before your time! Ok? Times were different then, like REALLY different. Slavery was part of society, period. Women’s roles were defined by the Greco-Roman culture, period. It would have been way too much of a stretch to introduce all of these changes at once not to mention anticipating what you would all be dealing with several centuries later. That’s why I wrote what I did about those issues.”

“And by the way, before you get too sanctimonious, that’s what your denomination and hundreds of others have been doing over the years. Like, wasn’t it your denomination in the 1800s that split over bishops owning slaves? Tell me how that wasn’t clear cut for y’all. And while I’m at it, your Book of Discipline as late as the 1940s didn’t even allow your clergy to officiate at the wedding of someone who was divorced unless it was clearly due to adultery. Like really?? We’re talking middle of the 20th century and you STILL were dealing with that issue and it took several decades before you finally loosened up on that one. And women in pastoral ministry, not until the 1950s? Are you kidding me? I know that wasn’t the most enlightened era of human history, but again, it’s not like you were living during the 1st century!”

“And don’t get me started about gay marriage and ordination. I know the Bible touches on those issues like 6 out of the 32,000 verses. God expects us to wrestle with these issues in the time we’re living by interpreting scripture through the lenses of tradition, reason, and experience, which if I’m not mistaken is what you call the quadrilateral approach. You don’t get a free pass, my friend. You have to do the hard work in your lifetime, too. And admittedly, that’s often a very messy, contentious, and gut-wrenching process which you know all too well. Believe me, been there, done that! You’re the ones that have to live with yourselves in trying to explain how suppressing someone’s sexual orientation and desire for intimacy is a good thing. And simply saying that God gives every gay person the gift of celibacy sounds theologically weak to me, but again, not my battle.”

“If I was living out my faith in the 21st century, who knows what letters I might have written or I guess you call it blogging, now. But my point is that in my writings I was setting a trajectory of what it looks like to be a disciple of Jesus and part of the Jesus community in the time that I was living. And yes, I get asked this all the time. Absolutely, I did my best to write in such a way that anticipated how people might read this in the future, but cut me some slack because I really thought Jesus was going to return way before your century, like even in my lifetime. Sorry if I sound so defensive.”

“Did any of this answer your question? What was your question again?”

“Not really, but if you don’t mind telling me, where does St. Peter like to hang out up here?”