For this season of Lent through Easter Sunday, we are focusing on the theme, “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross.” The inspiration for this 7-week sermon series comes from the hymn of the same name. This hymn was written by Isaac Watts in 1707.
Charles Wesley, one of the founders of Methodism during the 1700s and who is also known as one of the greatest hymn writers, offered high praise for this hymn by saying that he would be willing to give up all of his own hymns if he could have written this hymn. Many hymn scholars will tell you that this just might be the greatest Christian hymn ever written.
We began this series 5 weeks ago by focusing on surveying the temptations that come our way and how we might overcome those temptations. For the 2nd week, we surveyed our faith and how we can even allow our doubts to lead us in having a stronger faith. Two weeks ago, we surveyed our spiritual thirst and how Jesus is the living water that fills and renews us.
Last Sunday, we surveyed our hearts by looking at the Old Testament story of when God selected the next King of Israel not based upon outward appearances but upon the openness of the person’s heart.
The person that God ended up choosing to become the next King of Israel was David who became known as a person after God’s own heart. That story of how God chose David invites us to survey if our hearts are loving, gracious, generous, compassionate, willing to serve, and open to who God is calling us to be.
For today, we are invited to survey our grief. What does it mean to survey our grief?
Lent is a season on the church calendar where we have the opportunity to think about the mystery of life and death. It’s a season in which we confront the reality of death. This season even begins with what we call, “Ash Wednesday” where we have ashes smudged on our foreheads reminding us that we are dust and to dust we shall return.
That’s such a strange thing for us to do each year, especially since we live in a culture that seeks to avoid talk of death at any cost. We don’t like to talk about pain or loss and especially not death. We often forget that life is short until it confronts us with full force.
Last fall, I had the opportunity to travel to my hometown in south central, Pennsylvania. My brother and I visited the cemetery where our parents are buried. We then walked a little bit farther and my brother pointed out a tombstone of a teenager who had died in a car accident several years prior and he told me that he had officiated for that funeral. He said how he had built a relationship with this teenager through the church’s ministries and how difficult it was for him to end up officiating the funeral of this young person.
Since we can’t avoid the reality of death and loss in our lives, it’s helpful to reflect on the importance of grieving. Our Gospel reading this morning from John, chapter 11 offers us this opportunity because it’s a story about death and loss and the deep grief of two sisters whose brother had died. But it’s also a story about Jesus’ grief because Jesus was very close to these two sisters and their brother as well.
This story is known for having the shortest verse in the Bible, at least for the King James Version. John 11:35 has just two words, “Jesus wept.” And when people in the crowd saw that Jesus was weeping, they said, “See how he loved him! (meaning Lazarus)
I think this shortest verse in the Bible reinforces the full humanity of Jesus. Jesus was fully God and fully human which is the wonderful mystery of the incarnation, God becoming one with us. And part of being fully human is to feel the pain of grief and loss.
This story in John, chapter 11 is perplexing because for some reason, when Jesus is given word that his dear friend, Lazarus was ill, he decides to stay two days longer instead of leaving immediately to be with this family who were dear friends to him.
I wonder if Jesus delayed two days because he needed that time to be in prayer for Lazarus as well as for himself since he would be going to Bethany which was near Jerusalem. That would be a dangerous place for Jesus to be since the religious authorities were seeking to kill him. So maybe that helps us a little with the mystery of why Jesus waited two days before going to Bethany.
So, after those two days, Jesus and the disciples do go to Bethany and they meet Mary and Martha who are now grieving because their brother, Lazarus had died. Martha is the first of the two sisters to greet Jesus and she says those famous words that many of us say in times of death and loss, “If only.”
Martha tells Jesus, “If only you would have been here, my brother would not have died.” When Mary greets Jesus she uses those same words, “If only you had been here.”
These “if only” statements are signs that we are grieving. We want to change the past so that we don’t have to go through the pain of grief.
This scene of Martha, Mary, and Jesus offers us the opportunity to survey our own grief because we all face the reality of loss in our lives whether it be a death of a loved one, a loss of a friendship, or a surrender of something that was very dear to us. There are all kinds of losses in our lives, some bigger than others, but all important for us to recognize so that we can begin the healing process.
A former church member made an appointment me to see me a few months ago to talk about the grief she has been experiencing over the death of her 50 year old son to cancer. I think that even after all of these years since I’ve been her pastor, she still felt connected to me because of a chance meeting that we had three years earlier when I was visiting someone from our church who was in one of the Columbus hospitals.
I was walking through the large lobby of this hospital when I heard someone call my name and it was this former church member. She said, “I’m so glad to see you, Pastor Robert because my son is a patient here and I could sure use your prayers.” So there, in that hospital lobby, with a crowd of people walking around us, I prayed for her and for her son.
About a year later, I heard that her son had died. And then this past fall, she contacted me to see if we could meet to talk about how she was handling her grief. At one point during our conversation, she mentioned that what has been helping her in her grieving process is a book on grief entitled , More Beautiful than Before: How Suffering Transforms Us. The author is Steve Leder, a Jewish Rabbi, he serves the largest Jewish congregation in Southern California which has 10,000 members.
So after our time together, I bought that book and started reading it and I’m glad I did because it gave me a lot more to think about regarding grief. In is book, Rabbi Leder makes the basic point that the suffering and grieving we experience in life can teach us important things about ourselves and about our faith.
He shares how he always thought he did a great job in counseling the people in his congregation when they were going through a time of suffering but it wasn’t until he had a debilitating car accident leaving him temporarily paralyzed from the waist down that he was able to better appreciate the suffering of others.
Not only was he dealing with a painful physical recovery, but he also faced depression and the temptation of taking too many pain pills.
It was during that time of tremendous physical and emotional suffering, that he learned to reach out and find support from others, something that he never really had done in the past. He has a quote in this book that talks about the importance of reaching out to others when you are suffering and going through a time of grief.
“The people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind, don’t really matter.” Let me share that again. “The people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind, don’t really matter.” In other words, there are people who are willing to help even though there might be some who might not. There is always someone who will help.
Our suffering, pain, and grief are opportunities for us to reach out to receive help. And that’s exactly what this former church member was doing when she came to see me. She was seeking spiritual help through her grieving process.
And this leads me to this other insightful quote from Rabbi Leder’s book where he says, “No one who is in pain, despite what they might say at the time, does better by enduring their pain alone.” That’s also worth repeating: “No one who is in pain despite what they might say at the time, does better by enduring their pain alone.”
We need each other to help us get through the tough times, whether it’s a friend, a doctor, a therapist, a pastor, a neighbor, a small group, a Stephen Minister who offers one to one peer support through our church, or whoever it might be. There’s always someone who is willing to help. You don’t have to go it alone.
Rabbi Leder has other powerful thoughts in helping us to survey how we navigate through the pain, suffering, and grief that we experience in our lives. Here are a couple of other quotes from his book:
“Success doesn’t teach us as much as suffering.” “Success doesn’t teach us as much as suffering.” It’s through our suffering that we learn about ourselves, about what’s important in our lives, and it also helps us to become more empathetic and compassionate toward others who are going through a time of grief or suffering in their lives.
And this leads me to this thought from his book where he says, “Nothing is ever worth the suffering we are experiencing, but neither is our suffering worthless.” “Nothing is ever worth the suffering we are experiencing, but neither is our suffering worthless.”
So, these are just some thoughts that I picked up from my time with this former church member last fall and by reading this book by Rabbi Leder. She came to me for help that day and she ended up helping me just as much as I did for her.
These are thoughts for us to survey especially during this season of Lent, a holy season in which we are invited to offer to God our suffering, our pain, and our grief.
What I find most helpful about our Gospel reading for today is in being reminded that Jesus is like us in so many ways. That shortest verse in the Bible, “Jesus wept” helps us to see that even the Savior of the world needed time to survey his sense of loss and pain at the death of his dear friend. He needed to spend those two extra days before going to Bethany to be in prayer in facing that difficult time.
Have you noticed how before Jesus heals someone or brings them back to life, he doesn’t just snap his fingers and the miracle happens? Jesus first offers a prayer at Lazarus tomb in addition to the two whole days that he had already spent in prayer before he even arrived.
It was only after Jesus surveyed his own sense of grief, pain, and sorrow, and pray for guidance, direction, and strength, that he was able to bring Lazarus back to life. No wonder that Jesus told Martha, “I am the resurrection and the life,” because he truly is.
As we survey our grief, remember that, “Nothing is ever worth the suffering we are experiencing, but neither is our suffering worthless.” Remember to reach out to others for help. “The people who matter don’t mind, and the people who mind, don’t really matter.”
And remember to reach out in faith to the one who weeps with us, who walks with us through our suffering and pain, and who is the resurrection and the life.
When I Survey My Grief
God of love, we confess that we often neglect to patiently wait upon you when our hearts are weighed down with grief. When sorrows fill our hearts, our tears make it difficult to see any hope or relief. As we survey our griefs during this season of Lent, teach us to join the Psalmist who said, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord. Hear my voice!” As we wait upon you, we give thanks for the gift of your abiding presence and promise in days of pain and grief. Thank you for sending us Jesus who knew our griefs, who died our death, and who rose for our sake. Amen.
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